Flash: Hospital Gowns Get Breezy
photo credit: mtsofan via photopin cc
Why is the woman in this photograph so grouchy? You might be grouchy too in her shoes, wait…..make that crinkly blue booties. But maybe it’s not just the broken arm or the fetching cap or the beeping machines all around. Maybe there’s more—like the frowzy little flowered bottom-in-the-breeze, washed-within-an-inch-of-its-life hospital gown she is wearing. Ah yes, don’t we love to make fun of those. And we’ve all had to wear them at one time or another. (I know. All you younger friends of mine still in your salad days, you’ll have your turn.)
But wait Boomers….good news from the front lines of health care: the iconic hospital gown has been re-designed. Never mind that you’ll feel like you are being inducted into the Borg Collective (if you don’t know what that is, you are still in your salad days); it has two great things going for it: it’s purple, at least mine was, and it’s designed to blow warm air on you. This is significant. No more overworked nurses rushing around trying to keep you warm with heated blankets, this little doozy of an invention will keep warm air on your chest and on your tummy—all with a flexible hose attached to your purple gown somewhere south of your navel.
Will wonders never cease?
Apparently researchers have discovered that people about to have surgery, as I just did, do a lot better when they go into the surgery warm and relaxed.
I did experience a few moments of panic as my gown threatened to float up to the ceiling with me in it, but all in all it is a great improvement if you can avoid thinking of yourself as a particularly colorful blow fish.
So if you must have surgery anytime soon, rejoice people, the buzz is not about death panels anymore. We have warm air blowing on our nether regions. Things are looking up.
Postscript: Even though I have made a commitment not to overshare on my blog because we have enough of that already, I know my friends are going to want to know what I had to have surgery for. It was for my hand. It was major enough: a trapeziectomy to remove a small bone causing arthritic pain in my dominant hand and carpal tunnel release in that same hand. Ouch. Still waiting to play the guitar again. But on my refrigerator I keep this quote from the irreverent writer Augusten Burroughs who gave me the idea to do all my writing for months with my left hand. So, if you get a birthday card or something that looks like it came from a second grader, don’t worry that I’m experiencing early dementia. It’s just me. Growing more neurons. 
Ah yes, the better side of being in a medical establishment while awaiting a procedure. Now if they can only figure out how to keep the back side from opening when you are walking so that you don’t have to use both hands to keep it closed!
I don’t know about you, but I feel like making a mad dash to escape when I’m in a hospital. Except for the backside problem! Hard to run with both hands holding your gown closed. It’s all about access–I get it, but still……Thanks for visiting the site Susan!
Amazing! These gowns are the next-best thing to never needing to wear one! Your fridge quote is great. And left-hand writing stimulates right-brain creativity, they say.
Somebody in Ontario, Canada asked me the other day if those hospital gowns might be for sale elsewhere for long hours in front of the computer. (!) A little sideline business?? I’m *hoping* the left hand writing helps creativity. It promotes silliness I can tell you that.
This is great news for patients, all. Why did it take so long? A male friend of mine went for a checkup last week and was given step-by-step instructions on how to wear and tie the old-style gown. The nurse told him that “men are terrible putting these things on.” Perhaps the new, improved design will be more gender-neutral? Thanks for a wonderful post, Susie.
Robyn, hi! It’s great to see you here. I may be wrong, but I think these gowns are designed for patients about to go into surgery, to keep their body temperature toasty. It would probably not be cost effective to put them on ‘regular’ patients, but wouldn’t it be nice? So, I was being a little glib…but yes, they are more gender neutral! Looking forward to seeing you soon.
“Men are terrible about putting on gowns” made me think of a story. Years ago my husband called the insurance co and got the name of the closest clinic for a checkup. He arrived and was escorted to an exam room, told to get undressed and put on the “gown”. He didn’t see the point in the silly paper thing, so stripped and sat waiting for the doc… female. She was totally caught off guard by this large 285 lb, hairy man sitting in his b-day suit. Gowns matter.
Karen, this story cracks me up. Especially since I know the very patient of whom you speak! Remind me to ask him about this next time we get together…I bet he remembers the expression on the Doc’s face. And oh how I wish I could have seen D.D. wearing one of these purple inflatable little numbers. He is funny anyway, but with *that* get-up on–oh yeah. -:)